This is our collective tribute to the life and legacy of Mark Schroeder. He drowned at 17, putting his body on the line for others after a plane crash into an icy lake in Alaska.

The rainbow above was the front page photo of our local newspaper on Markie's Day 7 July 2011

Markie's Bench at St James Beach overlooking False Bay

13 NOVEMBER 2011 - MARK WOULD HAVE TURNED 24

True to form it rained on Mark's birthday. Every year on his birthday from a little boy through to a teenager, Mark could be seen filling brown paper bags with sand and sticking in candles to make lanterns which he would place from the street all the way to the front door. Thing is it always rained on Mark's birthday. So I would go out and help him commenting that the rain would wash out the candles. He would look up at me and say "It doesn't matter Mom, I'll light them anyway and then when the rain stops a bit we can quickly go back and light them again."

That has been an important lesson from Markie and it has served our family well since he left our earth: "Don't give up, even when all the odds are against you, keep making light and when it goes out, LIGHT THE CANDLES AGAIN. 

Peace, love and happiness to everyone who visits Mark's site, It means more than you could ever know. 

Lesley (Mark's mom)

www.leftbehind.co.za

http://www.iol.co.za/lifestyle/family/kids/helping-grieving-youngsters-1.1095148

Mark was the nicest human being we knew. We called him Spark because he lit up our lives. He taught us peace, love and happiness and we will never forget him.

Mark was born on 13 November 1987 and crossed over to the spirit world on 7 July 2005 at the age of 17. It's been 6 years since he left us behind on earth and we miss him and talk about him every day.

Mark was a bright bubbly boy who became an immense young man ... He was talented and respected for many things; his art, his sport, his leadership, but what we miss most is his lovely laugh and smiling eyes, his tenderness and empathy and his clarity of thought.He was calm in the most difficult situations and we could always count on him. He had a charismatic presence and he lit up a room when he walked in. With quiet confidence, he would diffuse conflict and tension and he was consistently kind. 

I believe that Mark accomplished what he came here to do. His soul was ready, so nature arranged for him to change form. Mark has told us in dreams that he is with all of us. He did what he had to do and he’s fulfilling his destiny. Our paths lead ultimately back to God and Mark just got there sooner. For Mark now there’s no time but we are left behind, still locked into a world governed by space and time and that’s why it’s hard to understand. MATT SCHROEDER, Brother

Orb over the boys 2009                                                                 Markie with Taylor 2004

Mark sends rainbows, eagles and the no 8 to let us know his spirit is always near. Sometimes we get beautiful orbs like in the photograph above and he also visits us in dreams. If you have come to this site because you too are grieving for a life lost too early, please visit Mark's Legacy Section where we have shared many of these experiences - we hope they give light to the broken-hearted, as we are. Hard as it still is, we can live on without Markie because we know love is eternal and our soul-to-soul connection with him will never die.

Below is a link to a very good article entitled: The Death of a child - the grief of the parents - a life long journey
http://www.athealth.com/consumer/disorders/parentalgrief.html

Mark grew up in South Africa where he loved being out in the wild. He was in his last year of high school - about to take his final exams - a golden boy and born leader who was immensely popular. We have encouraged all our sons to travel and be independent. Mark was excited about his trip to Alaska and we believed it would be a defining experience for him as he stood at the brink of manhood and considered options for his adult life.

Instead his body was overwhelmed by the icy water and he drowned on a clear summer day in calm water in Johnstone Lake near Prince William Sound after the float plane he was traveling in crashed into the lake. Everyone else survived. Mark, of them all, was in peak physical condition: at 17 he was the youngest by decades and the only one who was a child.  Despite the years that have gone by, there are days when the absence of his beautiful presence smacks us in the face and we still find it so unbelievable that he is not with us.

(Mark right with the Bonvilles and pilot, Kurt a day before he died)

The plane could only take 3 passengers but when a 4th passenger, Ryan Fisher showed up, Pilot, Kurt Stenehjem knowingly overloaded the plane which resulted in the crash. Because of the unexpected 4th passenger, Kurt put Mark in the cargo hold in an authorised seat with no restraint. Markie hit his head in the crash. He was wearing heavy waders which he never took off.

Mark didn’t die straight away. When he was asked about his bleeding nose, he brushed it aside and his natural instinct to help others came to the fore. He spent precious time freeing Carolyn's foot which was trapped before getting out of the water onto the wing. Then, instructed by the pilot, he went back to the plane to retrieve gear and then he swam around the icebergs trying to find a way up for the others. All the while, he was the only one without a life jacket (personal flotation device)  He was the youngest on board, the strongest and fittest of them all; rugby captain of his high school team, ice hockey goalie for the South African team. 

Because he stayed in the freezing water longer than the others, he became hyperthermic and drowned. Mark was brave to the last and died a hero. We lost the most vibrant, loving person we have ever known.

(Mark middle, pilot,Kurt Stehehjem right)

At the time of the crash, Kurt Stenehjem, the pilot said:
"Mark’s last moments on earth were spent calmly, selflessly trying to help others. Without regard for himself, he went inside a sinking airplane trying to release Carolyn’s foot. While on the large iceberg he spent precious time searching for a way for all of us to get up out of the water and to safety."

Mark drowned within a few metres of the plane. Carolyn saw his eyes glaze over and she said he never once showed any fear, just kept on trying. The other four were saved after a daring rescue by state troopers in a helicopter. Because Mark's body was not found his status was 'presumed dead'. It took nearly a year to have Mark declared officially dead and to this day, his body has not been recovered.

The pilot, Kurt was our neighbour at the lake. He was our friend which is why we entrusted him with the use of our airplane when he needed it for his flight seeing enterprise and we entrusted him with our precious son. We lost our friendship; we lost our plane for which we have not been compensated and we lost the most beautiful son imaginable.

The plane lies with Mark's body at the bottom of Johnstone Lake. Mark wanted to be a pilot. That was his dream. He was taking flying lessons before he died. He was so exhilarated the first time he flew over over the ocean in Durban. Whenever we see a dark-haired young pilot at the airport we think of all Mark could have become, all he could have done, had his life not been snatched away because of the carelessness and greed of a pilot, who was so self serving and so ill-equipped to deal with an emergency.

Kurt Stenehjem's recklessness was deemed so serious that his pilots' license was immediately revoked by the Federal Aviation Authority. In an a ballsy move by the district attorney, Stenehjem was indicted by a grand jury a year after Mark's death. He was arrested on charges of manslaughter and criminally negligent homicide but the case never got to trial. Aviation is Alaska's golden child. Who wants to mess with it?

Our family has questions. We who are left behind with our grief must ask questions. Why the lenience on pilots flying tourists as part of sightseeing and adventure excursions? Where are the penalties for carrying too many passengers? Is there an underlying reluctance to pursue criminal charges against pilots whose negligence results in the death of innocent people? 

The FAA can issue stern words and slap a pilot on the wrist by revoking his commercial license, but he can get it back within a year so what is the point? 

To read News articles about Mark's death click above on HIS TIMELINE

Since Mark left us we have tried to live by the words of this poem by David Harkins:

Remember me

Do not shed tears when I have gone
but smile instead because I have lived.

Do not shut your eyes and pray to God that I’ll come back
but open your eyes and see all that I have left behind.

I know your heart will be empty because you cannot see me
but still I want you to be full of the love we shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live only for yesterday
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of what happened
between us yesterday.

You can remember me and grieve that I have gone
or you can cherish my memory and let it live on.

You can cry and lose yourself become distraught
and turn your back on the world
or you can do what I want - smile, wipe away the tears,
learn to love again and go on.

Losing Mark has profoundly altered the dynamics in our family. It shattered everything we had together and challenged us all to live with courage and love. Each person in our big extended family stepped up to the plate with dignity and quiet determination to keep our family together but it is still very hard for us, particularly Mark's 4 parents. No matter how much you believe in eternity, no matter how strong you are, the loss of your son is an anguish that you carry with you every day of your life. Parents should not outlive their children. It is not the natural order of things.

We realise that Mark is on a beautiful, higher plane but to lose your son when he is almost a a man, when he is your dearest friend, the one who brings the sunshine into the room, when he had so many plans and relished life so fully…that is a tragedy!

We are forever grateful to people from all over the world who have helped and supported us. We thank you for each time you remember and honour Mark.

Your boy is part of the light that moves us humans toward each other in spite of the darkness that invariably encroaches.
Much love from my family to yours,
Susan, Daughter of survivors, Carolyn and Bill O'Neill

Above is the last picture taken of Mark deplanning at Bear Lake was taken by Claudette Bonville on 7 July '05 - it was just after the flight in to Seward - the one before the fatal flight - About an hour before he died. Claudette wrote: 
"May this photo bring you, your family, Mark's many loving friends and his girlfriend peace. As you can see he was happy. It was a beautiful day. The eagles were flying and the sun was shining.

We have so many memories of the two days we had with Mark. Looking back it is unsettling to think that how the things we were all joking about came to pass. For instance: we were all kayaking amongst the icebergs and we started singing the Titanic theme song: My Heart Will Go On. And we were joking with Mark and Lauren since they were in the kayak together and being funny with Lauren saying: "Mark, Mark don't leave us", replaying that scene where Jack goes under. We will never hear that song again without breaking down and remembering your child.

We keep remembering so many things that were said. I also keep thinking that if we had not gone on the trip Mark might still be alive

I will never forget him. With my deepest sympathy."
Claudette

Mark kayaking with Lauren Bonville on Lake Johnstone where he drowned the next day

"July 7th will always be a day that I keep in my heart. Mark will be in my thoughts for the rest of my life. I know one day I will see him again." Lauren Bonville

Mark, his smile, are always with me. Ryan Fisher (survivor)

"He shall not grow old as we who are left grow old. Age shall not weary him nor the years condemn. At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember him. "This is from Laurence Binyon's 1st World War poem "For the Fallen"

Mark loved to paint and draw. Our home is filled with his art work. These are two rough prep sketches Mark did: The 1 on the left was for his angel man painting and the 1 on the right was a sketch he did out at the Lake. Lauren said he'd been working on it a couple of days before he died. We received it with the rest of his things that were sent back to us from Alaska.

Mark's elder Brother Matt started his tribute to Mark with the words ... "The contemplation of who I am to be without him." That holds true for all of us who were left behind: Mom: Lesley, Dad: Kevin, Step parents: Lesley and Chris, step brothers: Tyrone, Lewis, Ben, Taylor, step sister Alhasha and Penny, the girl Mark loved - they had been dating for a year and a half at the time of his death;
His best friends: John, Muff and Eman, the 'Chronic Krew Betties', many friends, rugby team mates, classmates, teachers, family, people he had helped - indeed, an entire community who loved Mark dearly as well as the crash survivors who carry their own trauma and pain. His death changed us all.

Mark would want everyone touched by his death to come far closer together, to reunite, reconcile and above all, love each other more than ever before. For that was the sapphire true blue character of Mark. He was so courageous, so brave, so fearless - he ventured where no one else would dare. So loving that no one will ever forget him... MATT SCHROEDER

Mark had the best heart and attitude anyone could have. He was in touch with every part of his personality and gave off the most beautiful aura. We met when we were 10 and I felt like he was my mate for life. We had plans to travel, to do things. Then I had to stand up at his memorial and talk about him when he died. It was SO unbelievable to me that Mark was dead. I say he left because there wasn't much more he could do to improve himself and nothing about him that anyone would want to change.

Like the P Diddy song says: "In the future, can't wait to see if you open up the gates for me. Even though you're gone we're still a team, through your family, I'll fulfill your dream. Give anything to hear half your breath, I know you're still living your life after death." I love you Spark. Enjoy Thugs mansion dogg. I miss you every day of my life.   EMAN ZUMA

 (Matt & Mark with their cousins Kerry & Vicky - Mark's last Christmas)

In many ways, Mark was an ordinary boy living large, experimenting with life, testing the boundaries. To us he was just "Our Markie", spokesman and chief operations man for his brothers and mates; the one who hatched up all the schemes and persuaded everyone else to help him carry them out.  But now that we look back at his life we see why everyone says he taught them so much. He was a physical boy in a physical world - beautiful to look at, beautiful at play,  he drew people to him. When Mark spoke to you, he focused all his attention on you and made you feel special.

Since Markie died, we have received hundreds of written and verbal accounts of how Mark helped people to see things clearer, how he sorted out conflict and brought people together, how he broke down racial tension.  Mark absolutely understood how to love. He was ever loyal to his friends and prepared to defend what he believed in even when it made him unpopular. The only thing that ever angered him was injustice or betrayal.

He believed in practising peace love and happiness. He believed you could raise your energy levels to be more in tune with the  source/ the creator. He held to no formal religion and said that enlightenment isn't gained by setting your self apart to 'find god" because God is already in you. He always repeated the quote that we are spiritual beings having a human experience. Mark lived every moment of his too short human life with love, zest and joy.

Last Christmas with Mark - Lew and Tammy

LEW: When we reached our first Christmas without him I felt that the damage was irreparable. We were so shattered. But over time you realise that if you still have love you can always rebuild what’s been broken down. Mark taught us that. I never thought of Mark as my step brother. I only remember we are not blood relations when someone else mentions it. Mark was my older brother, my role model. He helped me become the person I was. The most outstanding quality he had was kindness and since he died we have tried to live up to him by being kinder to each other.

BEN: Mark always included all of us. His death taught us that he’s not always going to be there to fix it for us and we need to fix it for ourselves.

Before Mark died, I didn't know the true depth of pain. He lit up all our lives. Losing him broke my heart. TAMMY

On the sound track on this website you will hear Mark rapping a song he composed. In the lyrics he says: "At opposite ends of what you really see, I find a glowing ball of energy."

In Mark's computer files, he had a lot of notes about energy which we found and read after he died. One reads: "We are essentially made up of vibrations and energy.  And Energy can never be lost, it is only transformed." It has amazed us all how much Mark's energy, his essence, is still able to reach us across the veil. When we look back now on the last year of his life, we find that he left so many profound writings and sayings  - it was almost like his soul knew he was going to leave this world early. Also on the sound track, you hear Mark's voice (speaking to his brother Matt) where he says ..."there's hardly any time left" and in his last email he wrote: "Well, my time's almost up here..."

We all wish we had more time with Mark.

Men are haunted by the vastness of eternity. And so we ask ourselves: will our actions echo across the centuries? Will strangers hear our names long after we are gone, and wonder who we were, how bravely we fought, how fiercely we loved? (Troy)

I think Mark was on a mission. Before he was even born he decided that he wanted to come here and help people. He taught me love and helped me learn how to get it together. I rate he was enlightened enough so he sacrificed his life for other people. BEN MCLEAN (Brother)

"For the love, joy and kindness he spread, 
he lives in our hearts and can never be dead." 
Lewis McLean (Brother)

 
More of Mark's art and writing in his LEGACY Section: Rap songs, poems, e-mails and essays - he left some compelling messages

In Mark's legacy section you will find the essay he wrote 6 weeks before he died. It is entitled all the world's a stage and in it he writes about why a parent might lose a child. The full essay is on the first page of his legacy section 





Mark on tour in Prague: South African Ice Hockey team aged 12

Mark  is an excellent sportsman and will often do things that seem impossible. Mark never says die. He just keeps going no matter what, a very dependable person ... always giving his fellow players encouragement and support. Marina Alldred, Coach Written Feb 2000  

Mark's Rugby Jersey presented to Lesley by Jan on behalf of the Hillcrest High 1st Rugby team which Mark captained; Coach Steve, with stark grief on his face, handing Kevin the no 8 Jersey before Markie's Memorial Service; Bov and Stubz singing thru their tears with the Rugby team at Mark's service. Rugby administrator John Wright said that day:

"Mark played his rugby like he lived his life - always giving 120%. He captained the boys so well."

The Rugby parents have been so incredibly kind to us and we will never forget the way they and the team and the coach stood by us through the darkness of our grief and honoured Mark.

VAN: I am challenged every day by the memory of Mark; of how he loved and lived. His heart lives on in all of us who are so profoundly changed and altered by his death.



Mark, Dave, Taylor, Ben, Matt and Eman Christmas 2004

Markie dying changed my life.  I want to live my life as Mark did, putting love and energy and time into people. More than any of us, Mark had the world at his feet. Everyone we love becomes part of us when they die. We take part of them into ourselves and it comes through. So we take what they left us and use it like they would have. We are all connected through our love for each other and our love for them. Love is really all there is. I love you Mark. DAVE MONERON


The biggest thing is that Mark and I never ended our relationship:  We didn’t break up. There was no end. There was no goodbye. Our time with Mark was the best time of all our lives. I think everyone has a time to die. Our lives are planned out but I still can’t wrap my head around Marky dying so young. How can I explain how enormous Mark was in my life? What an outstanding human being he was?

I realise he had huge impact. His dying made a lot of people start to think about spiritual things, it revealed people as they really are and a lot of people have changed because of him. Still death is very unfair when you’re the one left with your life smashed to pieces. PENNY

Mark, death makes no change to a man's reputation but merely solidifies it as good or bad and in the case of you, my brother it mirrored your life.  I am so proud you are my brother; stud, hero and a gentleman all rolled into one. You have not left this world with out an impact. ALHASHA (sister)

Mark, Matt and Alhasha together on holiday

One persons’ death turned my whole world upside down.  Mark was a teacher. but it was only after he died that I actually listened to him. If Mark didn’t die I’d still be this messed up guy carrying my bag of fickleness and I know that a lot of other people  also made a choice to change their lives after he died. I believe in a way Mark knew subconsciously this would happen. He had choices and his choice was to sacrifice his human experience for the rest of us to learn from.  It’s not like he could walk on water but somehow he managed to free himself from the things that hold us down. Reflecting on his life helps us to make a lot of things more clear. Mattmuff 


Matric Dance 2005  

At Zinkwazi  Mark was our team leader and at the obstacle course he stood there pushing us all over because it was really hard. Mark was the strong one, strong in body, strong in himself. So I  understand that when they crashed in Alaska he instinctively did the same thing - tried to find a way to help everyone else because that's who Mark is. Mark was a man among boys. Maxine, watching him and Penny together once remarked that he was graceful like a swan.  CANDI PIERROT 


Mark with his brothers: Matt and Tyrone - their last Christmas (2004)

The day that I heard that Mark died I was so cross inside I wanted to smack a wall.  I heard my mom and dad crying. My mom told my dad: "Markie's dead!" The she told me I had to get dressed because we had to go to Auntie Les.

Mark looked after me for 10 years that I knew him.  I remember every time I had with him. My teacher found out about Mark. She read the newspaper and she said: " I'm so terribly sorry about it Tyrone." And the principal  announced it in the whole assembly that my brother Mark died in a plane accident in Alaska.

If Mark was still here I would have still been arguing like we always did but I was his little brother and he always handled me. He always helped me. He was the goodest guy. I miss him so much that sometime I can't sleep at night. I just lie in my bed.   TYRONE 28.09.2005

Mark never let the little things bother him; he didn’t concern himself with material things that other people value so highly. My brother was awesome. When he was little I adored him. As he grew into a man I admired him more than anyone else I knew.

I have a huge gap in my life now and it’s unrealistic to think that anyone else could fill it. My one recurring wish is if Mark had to go, could it not have happened later? Could I not have had just five more years with him? I so wish that. We could have done some amazing stuff because we were always in balance. I didn’t have enough of him. My brother would have been an incredible man. Wise and immensely kind.

I am forever proud of my brother, forever walking quietly and in awe amongst the halls of his greatness and passages of his legend. I love you Mark. MATT

Mark would simply never have left others in a difficult situation if he knew he could help them. He exemplified all that we as teachers try to encourage in boys. What a superb grounding you provided for him. He accomplished more and and affected others to a greater degree than many others, three times his age have done. We mourn with you the passing of a true gem. Elwyn van den Aardweg, Kearsney College

A child that loses a parent is an orphan
A man who loses his wife is a widower
A woman who loses her husband is a widow
... there is no word for a parent who loses a child
because there is no word to describe the pain 

It was Mark's nature  to help others before he helped himself, that's how he always was. Markie saw it through to the end. It's good that he was brave but it's bad for us and I don't know which is more important: for him to help people or to be with us?  17 years isn't enough. He could have done so much more. I don’t really know what I believe in.  I just miss him. I wish he was still here.
TAYLOR MCLEAN Youngest brother (Thoughts in 2007 at age 12)


Lew, Ben, Candy and Taylor with Mark early 2005

Mark could connect better than anyone I have ever known. And he still reaches us now. I don't find it weird when Mark talks to me in dreams. I know he is always with us. There is a bond that will never end. Love you Mark. IAN NGCOBO

Mark meant so much to me. He was always sweet - never cruel.  His friendship will be in my heart forever. I just wish I had more time to spend with him - everyone does. Lesley and Kevin, you raised a beautiful son. He was kind, considerate and caring. Above all he was brave and put everyone else before himself - not only when he died but when he was here with us.  JADE SMYLIE
   

Bully went to be with Markie on Tuesday 20 April 2010. We planted a Yesterday Today 4 Eva bush at the bottom of our garden at our cottage by the sea and buried Bully underneath it. Best dog ever been Bulls!